Lack of Confidence

by IAPH Therapist Alan Gray of Scarborough Hypnotherapy

One of the most frequent issues that clients consult in hypnotherapy is lack of confidence. Clearly we all need a certain level of self-confidence to progress in every aspect of life, from professional and business performance to personal relationships. A lack of confidence can severely restrict an individual’s enjoyment of life and their level of achievement.

Few people have total confidence in themselves at all times. If they have it might suggest a lack of insight into their own limitations. Rather it’s a matter of balance, a feeling of inner-confidence leading to effective decision-making which is preferred – freedom from being held back by self-doubt.

A person who is restricted by their fragile self-confidence will particularly avoid anything new to them. There is quite simply a fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown. In practical day-to-day terms this will include delaying actions, to the point where they may never get done. A person might be confident with familiar work routines, but when a new challenge appears e.g. giving a presentation to senior staff, they are overcome by the fear of failure and hence suffer from lack of confidence in their ability. Of course, this could limit their career progression and income in a major way.

Most people who lack confidence are also self-conscious in that they take an over- critical view of themselves. They believe - often unconsciously - that whatever it is they would like to do will somehow go wrong. It’s a pessimistic view which stops them from trying new things. They might doubt their technical skills say at work, or they may avoid a social situation which means meeting new people. Their confidence level will vary, of course, and be influenced by what they see as the potential downside of their actions. As a result they will unconsciously draw ‘comfort zones’ as a means of protection themselves from unpleasant outcomes.

For example, the individual might avoid:
Drawing attention to himself
Speaking to a group of people
Using the telephone
Applying for promotion at work
Learning new skills
Asking someone they like for a date
Starting a new project or hobby
Meeting new people in unfamiliar circumstances
Sitting an examination
Travelling to unfamiliar places, and so on…

In all of these situations, and more, there is the possibility of failure - or at least of something going wrong or suboptimal performance. Often those who lack confidence set high standards for themselves, sometimes to the level of perfection. They feel they are not good enough and this puts a big brake of their actions. They imagine failure, not success. They are oversensitive to what other people might think about them, should they fail. All of these unconscious and negative thoughts undermine their desires and the cycle of fear and inaction is perpetuated. There can often be a sense of frustration and guilt, too.

So lack of confidence can be a big barrier to our progress in life. It can make us feel inadequate, incompetent and unworthy of our place in society. None of these feelings make us happy, quite the reverse.

Since much of the belief in ourselves arises from unconscious memories, if we believe we can do something we probably can. Conversely, if we believe we can’t we are probably right also. So the appropriate level of positive belief is central to becoming confidence. So many of our own unconscious beliefs, too, have been formed in those impressionable years of youth.

How Can Hypnotherapy Help?

How can hypnotherapy help to change the negative beliefs about ourselves and hence raise our self-confidence?

Where the lack of confidence is related to a specific event e.g. driving test or a single public speaking engagement, one or just a few sessions of suggestion hypnosis can be very effective.

Should self-confidence be more generalised, and unconsciously deep-rooted, then a long-term solution will be dependent on uncovering and resolving the underlying cause. Hypnoanalysis is very effective at clearing away those negative issues of the past, so the client can then start to enjoy all aspects of their life with true confidence – the sort of confidence that other people find attractive.

Life becomes exciting again, as it should be and is to those who enjoy self-confidence!